Its been a quite week, sorry I havent really been giving much away but had a lot on my mind.

I’ve been taking part in my favourite past time since my last blog…. yeap that one!! thinking!!, been doing my own head in!!! I’m affriad most of what I came up with wasn’t much use.

I realised what I needed to do and probably what everyone really needs to do when they feel like this, spend some time with someone who really knows all the answers, someone who really knows deep down what we need and what we are capable of, the person who has the belief that everything and anything is possible. Time by myself!!!

I wanted to go out and party, it had been a year all clear but it just didn’t feel right and i knew that id feel a lot worse the next day. I’ll get my chance to party when the times right and it will be one hell of a night!! Just not yet.

So I decided to sort out my surrounding, spend some time on my own, so I started with the garden, grass, bushes then for the weed killer, upset the locals (Ants), but at least I won’t be finding them in the kitchen to soon. Then I attacked the kitchen (actually got a new coat of paint), hall way and so on.

It still feels like I’ve just come to a sudden stop, I’ve been riding the biggest wave, bigger than I could ever imagine, it wasn’t meant to end like this, I’m not meant to be home yet.

Normally id go out on my bike, go to the gym do everything I could to shake the mood, make myself feel better but this wasn’t going to happen this time, so it had to be the house.

Years ago id probably go out for the weekend eat all the wrong food, slob about the house and feel sorry for myself but I never liked doing that it just seemed the right thing to do, easy solve, good at the time then fall back into line come Monday morning.

But since cancer I look at things a lot differently, I beat cancer and all the other problems including learning to walk by pushing on a bit each day, by always telling myself that there’s nothing really wrong in the grand scale of things, I’ll be ok!.

This however doesn’t come without bad days, sometimes we all find ourselves having moments where we just stand there and stare at nothing. There were some this weekend, some are short and some long but you have to move on.

Don’t get me wrong I haven’t bounced straight back from my last blog, it doesn’t work like that but you have to try, my heads starting to come back up with ideas of whats next, but then i question if its a good move, my heads just spinning all the time, I cant sleep then I cant wake up, what I think we can say is that we the idea that I’m meant to be here and if I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be by now!!

I’ve had a couple of good ideas of things id like to work toward. so I’ve arranged a number of meeting and started to put the wheels in motion, I’ll keep you posted.

I’ve also just had my new bike delivered so as of this weekend I’ll be out an about again.

Thank you for all your amazing support,

Share/Bookmark